Notes on Abundance

Some of my favorite ideas from Week 6:

As you expect God to be more generous, God will be able to be more generous to you.
What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful , and the work we do feels like play to us.

(that's TRUE!)

Stuck and stymied, Alan described his block this way: "I try to play and I hear myself, and what I can do is so far away from what I want to do that I cringe." (and then quit.)

(ME TOO!) (but I'm really, really, really trying to be kinder and gentler to myself. Once I was labeled as being hypercritical with unrelenting standards (for myself) I was able to start letting myself settle for less and feel okay about it.)

Creative living requires the luxury of time, which we carve out for ourselves – even if it's fifteen minutes for quick morning pages and a ten-minute minibath after work.

(I'm working on that one. Baby steps. Like eating a whale, one bite at a time. Fifteen minutes. I can make that. Right?)

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It does feel good to create the luxury of time to write all of this out.

Next up?
The God I believe in and the God I'd like to believe in. . .

Recovering a Sense of Abundance

Week 6: The Artist's Way.
Recovering a Sense of Abundance. It was interesting to hear what each person in our Artist's Way circle had to say about luxury. One described a wonderful facial treatment she has four times a year. One friend described taking a limo to Chicago for botox every three months. One lusciously recalled a spa treatment she affords herself every six weeks. We'd been prompted in the book in the chapter before, to think about things like "If I were 20 and had money. . . " or "If I were 65 and I had money. . . " but honestly, for the life of me I couldn't think of a list of THINGS I would buy. Sure, a nice big house would be great, but once again I found myself yearning for the month by the sea.

Abundance? Money. That's what holds many people back, I guess. You'd think I was rolling in the dough with my lack of concern about that. I consider my family very blessed. We have a nice, modest house which is paid for. We have cars which are paid for. We've paid off our student loans and we live without credit cards - but none of that is because we inherited money or make a lot of money. I'm convinced it's because we've been able to let go of money as a luxury. I find that in life, whatever I yearn for most, is what I am most lacking. I learned long ago to live without much, and to make do with what we have. The thing that I'm seeking more than anything now - is time.

Time! The biggest luxury I can imagine now, would be the gift of more time. They say that as you grow older time speeds up, but I can't comprehend how much faster it can go. I'm getting dizzy spinning at this speed.

It's interesting this week, to think about money, at this time in history when so many in our society are struggling with the deep recession we're in. We grew up with nothing, made it through college with nothing, started our marriage with nothing, and have built up such a wonderful life, with very little. I'm glad to say that in our house it's not so much the 'things' that matter - it's the things that we can't buy that are most valuable. Love. Energy. Peace. Acceptance. Self respect. Friendships. And on, and on. If I could work on creating a sense of abundance, I would like to get a grasp on time. More time to learn and grow. More time to love. More time to share. More time to do nothing at all.

I'm thankful that in a world where many are feeling great need for 'things' we are truly blessed with all that we need and much of what we want. I'm thankful that I understand the concept that in giving we receive, and I'm able to share some of what we've gotten.

But if you have any ideas of how to create more time, I'm all ears. Please let me in on the secret.

Recovering a Sense of Possibility

Chapter 5: The Artist's Way. . .
I probably should have started my observations on the Artist's Way 5 weeks ago when I started the group meetings on it, but I didn't, so I will now. A recurring theme I'm finding this time through the book (my third time, second time with a group) is that I want to be a lady that takes a month by the sea. It's come up many times now, and I'm starting to visualize the place. The sounds. The sand, the curtains, the colors. . .

The first or second time through the book I visualized moving out - farther away from where we lived in Milwaukee. Years later after moving, I reread my thoughts that I'd compiled when doing the book, and was surprised to see how many times I had mentioned that. Moving "out" to me meant moving a little farther away from the center of Milwaukee. Somewhere a little safer. I had no idea that within a few years we'd move completely out of Milwaukee, to a safe and comfortable, much smaller city. When I imagined and wrote about moving, I really didn't think it would be a reality, and I was delighted years later when I saw how my intentions had worked.

So this time through - my recurring them is the lady with a month by the sea. The first times I've thought of it though in life, have been times I've experienced great difficulties and thought I really, desperately needed a break from life. Now I'm envisioning it just as a sweet time. Some solitary, and some with family and/or friends.

In fact, I'd love to buy a cabin. A cottage. A place in the woods. On the water, preferably.

As part of our work this week in Chapter 5, we need to start finding images that match our vision. It was great synchronicity then the day after I read that, to have an email in my box that was advertising what else?. . . but houses for rent. By the sea.

So I haven't decided yet. Will it be a week by the sea? Or will buy a cabin in the woods someday?

I'm at least putting the thought into motion. Somehow. Someday. . .

day two

sooooo. . . Who do I address this to? If I write this as a sort of journal or diary entry, which seems kind of logical, then I wouldn't be posting it on the internet for all the world to read. If I direct it to some certain people, then maybe I should just be writing a letter.

I'm often composing letters in my head. Letters to Oprah are quite frequent. I work on solving society's problems a lot. Letters to the school board. Pointing out some injustice. Sometimes now I write letters in my head to the president. Like he'd have time to read them and use my opinions to help understand us little people. I've written so many anonymous letters to coaches and teachers which I usually don't have the nerve to send. Don't want to totally screw my kids chances for success by speaking up (but I have been known to. Speak up and screw up my kids chances).

So who am I writing to here? I can see I'm going to have to 'get over' this insecurity about writing to the world out there, but I keep wondering who gives a rats ass what I have to say?! (but then inside I yell at myself 'you have ALL SORTS of important things to say to the world. Just SAY THEM!' . . . so I will.

Hi you guys.

today is the first day

So who do you know that wants to read my blog? Ernie von Schledorn. Used cars. I kind of feel that way about blogging. Why would I think that anyone would want to read what I write? Okay. It doesn't matter. I will write this for me.

For the longest time now, Cia has told me to write a book. In fact, she even designed the book cover for me. I've started writing it a million times in my head, but a few reasons hold me back. One - I can't write real stories about real people - or I'd soon lose all of my friends and would have no one to write about anymore, and two - really - why would anyone want to read what I have to write? Isn't that a little egotistical? It really IS about me, or it ISN'T about me? I'm confused.

I'll start here. The name. "I am not eccentic, I am more alive than most. The unpopular electric eel, swimming in a pond of goldfish."

There. I said it. That's me.

Who cares, right?

The censors come at me from every corner of my brain. . .